Loving Unconditionally

It started with a great confusion, everything was not that right. Why do I need to feel such thing, Jesus and I was a close friend since 2nd year high school but recently something happened between us and that made us feel so awkward about it and indeed there was something more than just a friend that I felt about him. I wondered how it happened so fast and until now it made me confused that it seems every time we see each other it feels like we're totally stranger. Stranger that I wanted to hug him but I have no right anymore.

Every pieces of me feels like empty until that day he was gone, he didn't even try to text me, greets me, kidding around me and makes me annoy but that was it. I feel so empty without him, this I realize he was so important in my life. He is the one who makes me feel like I am the real me when I'm with him.

But something and time passes by his love for me maybe was just an option and that made me feel so sad that even him could do that to his close friend. I felt I was just used knowing that he found someone else . It feels like why Lord you have to do this to me? why do you have to take him away from me?

The thought that thinking of him made me so special, I love him for what he is and not for what he have and have not. With him I completely think that he was there to strengthen me. I hope that one day he'll gonna realize how much I love him, I can't admit to myself that I get jealous today when he loves another woman and totally

the bottom line of it, I love Jesus Romulo Zamora....
I love him unconditionally, and it breaks my heart when ever I wanted to smile but knowing that I can't give anything for him... and I'm afraid we have different worlds and I was born not to be rich I was just a mere fact housekeepers daughter and don't have enough money to buy my own things and that what makes me feel so sad about it trying to see that I am not for him...

My Mistake

It's been a while since I got into new world which is my last year in college, the thing that I thought it's not a joke anymore and it seems everything get serious each time you have to decide you've gotta stand by it and fight with it. My life was not the same since I've gotten into a mistake I never thought I would involved with it.

The reason why I got a mistake was that I slipped on my tongue the secret of my friend and that she got angry with me, hated me with rage and can't deny the fact that she shout at me any foul words.

I admit I got slipped of my tongue but my intention was not to blab about her but rather to say that we can help her supporting her. With that she misinterpreted me and I humbly accepted my mistake. I know I was able to said it in a wrong time but I asked forgiveness to God for He knows exactly what I've done.

Then, I think everyone was really hated me for what I have done, they think I'm so cruel and they tend to talk about me and thinking I'm the most stupid person that they've known.

It was then they really know that I was a big fat liar and what else? they really hated me for what I am.

I somehow realized that if they are really a good friend they will confront me and tell me what will I do and the what makes it worst? they even telling me that I was a mere fact BITCH!!! and I hated them for being like that.

Guintubdan Summer June 5-6

June 5, 2010 it was Saturday all was prepared for the culminating activity for the Karate. With my team and my team leader? We have Rosselle as our team leader and with that we take the activity as one of the opportunity to be exposed and ready ourselves for the future purposes. It was actually a quite unexpected when my mother came and that she saw me performed there. She was actually proud of me as what she was feeling ever since when I was a child.

With those performance I knew from the start that it will turn out to be the best memory I ever had. After the culminating activity, we the SAKS already had fun being together, I met the shihans from the Philippine team and with that I learned to respect and enjoy while having our performances there at the Villamonte Gym. The whole morning was great everyone got medals and certificate of appreciation. It lasted with the bowing and the correct position on how to respect the shihans.

:) happy

:)

A little of pressure is the best way to achieve something that is worthwhile for there are once in the lifetime that we will meet a person who will accept us for what we are. Ideally I was about to go to my school when I witnessed such an incident in the road where the old man was hit and run by a car. No one helped him, except for the other private vehicle which is a white mazda. A young man, like of my age 19 I guess, was so deliberately helped the old man and shout for help. I was astonished by what he acts because I really seldom found such nice as him. Whose so kind, people just stared at him in an awe. Other people doesn't want to helped they just look and ignored them.

How I wish I could find someone who will really accept me for who I am and what I really am not only that who will really love for who I am and not for what I am.

......

What am I gonna do now? He was really active in school, should I be proud of it or not? Of course I will he was totally responsible and well very competitive. But with those work that he got? He has no time to join with his friends including me. I was so happy that he had a position to be a president in his club, he could be a good example to everyone :) but somehow miss the way we used to do.

I just missed him, the things that we do and the things that we usually make but somehow with all that things I'm still proud of him ;)

so cold

Summer is over I think and to welcome the month of June, heavy rain pours in the end of the week of May, I guess. Well it speaks all about the weather here, in Bacolod City. Together with the season ablaze the feeling of coldness. Coldness that runs down in my spine. Something's pinching me inside. I can't force myself to stop thinking about you because if I do? What then? It's me who'll gonna suffer. They are right, I come to think of it that there were instances that reality must be faced here not of the made up of illusions inside my head. If I'm gonna just believe of what the other people say well, it will just gonna make things complicated. It turned out that I have to see just to believe somethings really going on.

Living the day with a worn out face? Huh? It feels like hey what the hell happen to you? That was something so strange to handle about being so haggard. It's a no no for me. One way to be noticed again is to smile with all of my heart. Knowing that the others could notice if you are so down or not.

(sigh) but actually I didn't mean to be so sad it just like maybe looking for something so inevitable... ;)

What is like to be love

What can the love in my soul be compared to another wonderful soul which is so far and yet so close of my self?
What can this symbiosis between two souls can be?
What can love be when you feel you cannot sleep at night, that every drop of dew becomes a crystal in your heart, when every breeze of wind has magical meanings?
What can love be when you feel that you want nothing more in this world that to be with the soul you love?
But what can love be in other transcendental realities? What about our souls?
Are our souls a waterfall, a true Niagara or a smile, a flirt of an angel? Are our souls a mere mood of a fairy or a lightening in a summer rain?
Our souls could be all of this and much more. But what really happens in that transcendental reality when we feel we are truly in love, that we love so much that it hurts? That the air in the room is unbreathable, that the sentimental, spiritual or physical distances kill us? What happens when dawn find us sadder than ever, looking for an excuse or an argument for the person we love so much, our Great Love? What are all these? What are the looks lost in the desert horizons of unfulfilled or those in the eyes that deeply loose each other in the others inside the souls?

Which soul can be with me? The truth that seeks happiness within unanswered prayers that somehow truly ignites my senses.

What is like to be? How? And why such things can't explain well the extravagant of this unique feeling?

~Rhey~

whole yet numb

The whole summer was a thrill in my spine. Not been expecting to happen this much with my life. Living me into paralyzed and can't continue to live out the rest.